NTI
This page is dedicated to the study of The Holy Spirit's
interpretation of the New Testament. As I read this beautiful,
transformational book I will share my thoughts. I am not reading
in any particular order, simply reading where guided. I invite
you to share your thoughts as well. You may buy a copy of this
book at www.amazon.com or at
bookstores such as Barnes and Noble. I also recommend teachings
from
www.reginadawnakers.com and
http://forholyspirit.org/home.htm
Comments are welcome, please log in.
ARCHIVE SUMMARY
View by Date
Fri Oct 23, 2009
SQT Attachments are an Activity of the Mind
Yesterday I used Regina's single quiet thought as my guiding light. It talked about attachments being an activity of the mind, attachments being those things I think I need to be happy. Then Holy Spirit gave a simple remedy; Say to yourself, "This attachment is an activity of the mind." He then said to rest the mind, and release the attachment in the Heart.
During the day I noticed attachments in the mind. When I wasn't sure about my thoughts or felt any confusion, I used Byron Katies idea of going back to the first generation thought. For instance, I am visiting Regina right now so I am spending my day differently than I usually do. I spend the day writing, sharing spiritual insights and confusions, meditating, etc. I really like it. I also am beginning to think about leaving and I have a reluctance to return to life as it is at home which is very busy with work.
What part of that is an attachment and what part is just a simple fact of how things are? There are two first generation thoughts in these thoughts about how I am spending my time. One is, I am spending my day writing, sharing spiritual insights and confusions, meditating, etc. The other is, I am returning home where things are busy. Everything else is activity of the mind, stories I am weaving around those thoughts.
This activity of the mind, the stories I tell myself about what I am doing, are my attachments. I like what I am doing now and want to hold onto it. I don't want to return home to the busy schedule. This is an attachment. I think I need my life to look a certain way for me to be happy. I am happy living like I am this week. I will not be as happy when I return home because things will change.
I notice that while I saw a lot of attachments in my mind, I did not spend a lot of time on the remedy. Its pretty simple. I just say to myself, “This attachment is an activity of the mind,” and I move from my head to my Heart to release it. But I did not often do that. When I failed to follow up I was studying spirituality without actually practicing it.
This morning when I woke up the very first thought the Holy Spirit brought to my attention is that I feel a responsibility to my family to remain in my job and in my house which is what seems to keep me in the busyness of my everyday life. That responsibility seems to trap me and cause me to feel unhappy without any way to escape from the unhappiness. I started looking at it trying to find a way out of the unhappiness without breaking my commitment and as always, I felt like I was in a maze with no exit. My thoughts kept bringing me back to the same place.
I immediately saw that this was an activity of the mind and not real, just thinking, and the attachments were causing me distress. When I think about this I am not happy. But I had confused myself with my stories and I wasn’t sure what the attachment was. So I went back to the first generation thought. I have made financial commitments. That is the only fact in this story. Everything else is meaning I have given that simple, neutral event. Everything else is activity in the mind, attachments, thoughts about what I think I need to be happy.
This was amazing, and I had to rest in this idea for awhile before I could accept how simple it was. I made a financial commitment. Nothing else. I was not trapped. There was no story about what that means, no judgment about whether that was good or bad. There was no decision to be made about changing it, no guilt at the thought. No story at all. But my mind kept going back to the story and I saw that I needed the remedy.
Now remember, I used this simple quiet thought all day yesterday. I read it, contemplated it, reread it often. I had lots of reinforcement as there were four of us doing this and reminding each other. But as I lay there in bed I could not remember the remedy, simple as it is. My mind was a complete blank.
Well, I recognize resistance when I see it, but I know that I am stronger than my resistance. I got up, found my single quiet thought, read the remedy and laughed that I had not remembered the thought to say, “This attachment is an activity of the mind.” I did not remember that all I need to do is rest my mind and go to my heart with a willingness to release my attachments. Obviously, I did not forget, I just chose not to remember. But now I choose differently.
“I am attached to the idea that I must keep this commitment and there is no honorable way out of it. I am attached to the idea that my commitment is entrapping me. I am attached to the idea that this is painful and should be different. I am attached to the idea that I cannot be happy if things don’t change.” These attachments are an activity of the mind. I rest the mind and release the attachments with the Heart.
As I accept that attachments are an activity of the mind, and are nothing in reality, and as I release them will this mean my situation will change? I don’t know. That’s not where I am going here. I am simply getting out of my ego mind, returning to my Heart and releasing my attachments. I don’t know what anything is for, but without my attachments I am free to follow guidance.
[0] comments (108 views) |
[0] Trackbacks
[0] Pingbacks
Fri Jan 16, 2009
Matthew 18 Love Him in His Place
Matthew 18:5-6
Do not ask your brother to change his place, but love him in his place. And then ask Me how your brother’s place is helpful to you.
I should not be writing this now; I should be on my way to my first customer. Just as I was packing up I noticed that my phone was not charged, so I called my customer to set the appointment back thirty minutes and decided to work with NTI for that time. So, in the world, I should not be here now. But since I set my intention to make everything for my awakening, the Holy Spirit sets things up, not for the world, but to bring forward my deepest desire. And so here I am, reading about not asking my brother to be different, but rather accepting him as he is, and further, asking the Holy Spirit how what I see in my brother is helpful to me.
Those who were part of a conversation this morning about a teacher’s seeming failures knows just how perfect this passage is for me. First, it can be tempting to put a teacher on a pedestal because I appreciate what they do for me so very much, and because I don’t seem to be able to do it for myself right now. That is why they are my teachers. They have gone ahead a few steps and left footprints for me to follow. But, it is an error for me to place them above me. If they are above me they are different from me. And so they would be separate and if I believe this I have made separation real in my mind.
Then what happens when the brother falls off his pedestal? My judgment placed him there and my judgment can take him down. What have I taught myself now? If my brother is in a precarious place, standing on shifting soil, then so am I. If a wrong action can cause him to fall and be less than, then the same is true for me. Where is my peace now? I can have none as long as this is my belief.
And how big does the error have to be before I am willing to knock him off the pedestal? Can he commit venial sins? Or maybe it would be ok for a mortal sin or two, but not more? What is the unforgivable sin, the one I cannot overlook? When he commits that one will I have to discard his teachings and move onto someone else? On what do I base my judgment? This is starting to sound very scary because if there is an unforgivable sin, I now live in dread of running afoul of it. Maybe I already have.
Holy Spirit, what would you have me know about this?
I would have you look with Vision rather than with judgment, so that you will not be confused by behavior and illusions. Look to his innocence so that you might be reminded of your own innocence. As Jeshua I did not choose my disciples because I was impressed with their behavior, rather because of the innocence of their Spirit. They chose ego many times before I chose them and many times after, but this did not affect their innocence, nor their helpfulness as my disciples.
I choose you as my disciple and do not be deceived that I made an error because you seem in this story not to be perfect. I choose many and none of them appear perfect. Teach yourself your perfection, my dear friend, by teaching your brother his perfection. Do not be distracted by what he shows you in this dream. In the dream all become confused in their identity. Remind each other of the truth by believing only the truth.
[0] comments (228 views) |
[0] Trackbacks
[0] Pingbacks
Sat Jan 03, 2009
Matthew 18 Do Not Think for Yourself
Matthew, 18 Do Not Think For Yourself
NTI Matthew 18:1-6: I have told you before not to think for yourself. And also: One cannot maintain self-identity and self-control and be healed of self. And also: I say to you, practice with Me today. Do not think for yourself. Ask Me in all things and leave all things to me.
Ego had a very visceral reaction to that first line. It was a very primitive survival instinct. The ego says, “Step away from the book.” Ha ha ha. I feel it and I choose not to believe it, and yet I think I do believe the ego thought that this is not something I want to do. So here I am again, as I often am, conflicted in my desires. The way I experience this conflict generally is to become frozen in indecision which really defaults to ego. Ego argues that it is not really possible to stop thinking for myself so forget it.
To move forward, I just have to take the first step and then the next and then the next. I notice that this reading is working well with today’s daily lesson.
Lesson 3 I do not understand anything I see in this room (on this street, from this window, in this place).
What does today’s lesson mean to me?
Well, if I have given all the meaning to everything in this room, and I was wrong about that meaning, I don’t know anything. This could feel very uncomfortable, disorienting. Or it could feel like a release, as if a weight had been lifted; years of shifting meaning and uncertainty, and now the simple truth.
How can I apply this lesson in my life right now?
Do I have to clear my mind of all past associations? That doesn’t seem possible. I stare at my lamp and attempt to empty my mind of the meaning I have given it. You could fill the room with all that meaning as one association leads to another and another. But as I look at the lesson again, I see that all I am being asked to do is to acknowledge my lack of understanding. I can do that.
My message from Holy Spirit.
Precious child, you are willing to start over and to see these lessons as if they are brand new. This is helpful and so appreciated. You are not alone; I will be with you each step of the way. See each day as a classroom in which to study that day’s lesson. For instance, today you have plans to write and to pack for your upcoming move. As you sit down to write, accept that you don’t know what anything means and open your mind for Me to help you.
You keep putting off packing because you are frozen in indecision about what to bring and what to discard. Again, recognize that you don’t know what anything means and you will have opened the door for my help. This job feels so overwhelming to you that you feel like crying when you think of it. Feel Me with you. Allow Me to decide for you. It is such good practice for you. If you begin to feel discouraged recognize that you are packing with the ego, and bring your mind back in line with Me. Moving can be joyful, and if it is not something has gone wrong. Simply shift your attention from the ego to Me.
My message to Holy Spirit.
I feel so much better. I did not even realize how much I was dreading this job, and it did not occur to me why. I thank you for your words and for your help. You feel like a best friend, only one who is always here, always has time for me, and always knows the answer.
It may seem a random event that I am reading this particular passage in Matthew, but I think that it is meaningful. The Holy Spirit has reassured me that as I learn to set aside the thinking mind and all it’s planning, and discouraging chatter, I will leave room for Him to give me His thoughts. I will take joy in what I do, even in the simple tasks.
I really like that thought. I tend to make everything very serious and burdensome, as if I can only progress if the path is difficult and I am careful not to have any fun while I do it. I recognize that behavior in myself and am willing to be wrong about it. I am willing to stop thinking that thought for myself. There you go, one thought laid aside, a nice clear space for Holy Spirit to give me His thought.
[0] comments (155 views) |
[0] Trackbacks
[0] Pingbacks
Sun Dec 28, 2008
Matthew 16 Lay Down Your Little Life
From NTI Matthew 16:25-26
25: Lay down your little life and your desire for it, that you may know the Life that is.
26: This is where you must look at your thoughts and desires. For if you desire anything of the world, you have lost your desire for Me.
I’ve been looking at this passage from Matthew for a couple of weeks now. When I first read that if I desire anything of the world I have lost my desire for the Holy Spirit, I was taken aback. Surely there are things in the world that I need. Am I supposed to give up everything? I saw a parade of things that I value pass before my eyes and I felt an acute sense of loss as I considered giving them up. I asked the Holy Spirit about this and was reminded that I am never asked to sacrifice. It is the need for these things that I am asked to relinquish. Where there is no need, there is only joy in the experience. Thank you, Holy Spirit.
I am reminded of Laurent’s story of his flight from Paris. He did not get the seat he wanted which would provide extra leg room. He felt uncomfortable and cramped and was mentally complaining when he received the thought, “Is leg room what you want?” This helped him to remember what it is that he really wants. He said, “No. I don’t want leg room. I want to awaken.”
My first thought on hearing this story was to wonder if he had to give up leg room in order to awaken. This is the ego response as it always responds from lack, fear, and guilt. So I went past that first thought and asked the Holy Spirit what this really means. He showed me how giving up the idea that happiness depends on changing the world around him Laurent was choosing God, and in choosing God he was choosing peace. And in fact, Laurent did say that he spent the rest of the flight in Love and peace.
The realization I took from this story is that having leg room or not having leg room is not what made Laurent happy. While he was focused on his story of discomfort and the ego’s solution Laurent was lost to God. The more I thought about this the more clarity I received about why this is true. While Laurent was desiring his preferred seat he was in competition with his brother for that seat. I saw how this one thought, this one desire, catapulted him into the separation story and all its inevitable effects; anger, fear, guilt, loss, envy, and competition.
I also see very clearly how setting aside his desire in the world and remembering his only true desire restored him to sanity and to peace. This story of Laurent’s had a profound effect on me. I have since used his process for myself many times. When I find that I desire something in the world I ask myself if that is what I really desire. This is often enough to remind me that I want only to awaken.
In this passage in Matthew the Holy Spirit reminds me that in my search for worldly desires I will find them and this is good. I appreciate hearing this because I still feel the pull of ego guilt, and if I succumb to guilt I will not be motivated to be honest in my search. The Holy Spirit reassures me that “You will find that you do desire the world, for it is your desire that brought you here.” He also reminds me that I want to find them because it is in noticing these desire that I am given the opportunity to change my mind.
[0] comments (156 views) |
[0] Trackbacks
[0] Pingbacks
Mark 12 Submitting to God
Regina Dawn Akers wrote:
> "Note: I realized this is what the woman who gave two copper coins
symbolizes. She submitted completely to God, keeping nothing for
herself. This is the symbol of us submitting so that we direct none
of our own thoughts, but allow all of our thoughts to be directed by
God."
This jumped out at me because this morning as I journaled lesson 360,
I was guided to give all my thoughts to be directed by God so that I
might experience true peace as opposed to the false peace of ego. To
experience the peace of God, I must be willing to let go of the
desire to direct my own life and to be my own creator. After spending
the last several years examining my mis-creation I feel ready to
admit that I no longer see value in keeping it.
As a result of this decision I am becoming aware of my remaining
desire to hold onto the body/mind that represents my choice to be my
own creator. I notice how many thoughts in even a few moments of time
are an attempt to direct my life and so to hold onto my little self.
But now that I am aware of what is happening I don't feel the
frustration and confusion I used to feel. I just see what is
happening and ask for correction. I know that there are probably
thousands of thoughts that will get past me, but it doesn't matter.
It only matters what I do with the ones I notice, and that I am
willing to notice as many as is helpful.
Your reminder of the woman who submitted completely to God was
perfectly timed for me. God does not ask me to do anything I don't
want to do, but He offers me the chance to submit completely and I
want to respond to His offer. As soon as I said that, the ego starts
listing the stuff I would have to give up. If I am tempted to see any
sacrifice in full submission then I give that thought to the Holy
Spirit as well.
[0] comments (158 views) |
[0] Trackbacks
[0] Pingbacks
Thu Dec 25, 2008
SQT A Christmas Story
One year at Christmas I had no gifts for my kids. My husband had hurt
himself in an oilrig accident and was out of work. We were dead
broke. This is before I began the study of the Course. I had been
reading a book from a Unity church and it talked about making a
treasure map when you needed or wanted something.
The idea was to put pictures and words onto a poster that would
remind me what I wanted, and to then look at the poster frequently to
think those things into existence with the power of the mind. I told
my husband what I was going to do. My kids wanted bikes and, while he
was not against the treasure map, he could not imagine how we would
get them. As broke as we were they may as well have asked for the
moon.
I totally believed in the process, though, and so I made my treasure
map and began to focus on it. In a day or two I was inspired with an
idea. I put a little add in the local paper saying that Santa needed
a little help this year because of unemployment. If anyone had used
bikes that could be fixed up he would be grateful to get them.
In the next couple of days we were flooded with offers to help. One
kind man called to say that his wife would meet me at Sears and I
could pick out bikes for the kids. I was overwhelmed with the offers
and it turned out to be a wonderful Christmas, not just for my kids,
but for me as well. I recieved confirmation that the mind is indeed
very powerful.
This was like a beginning step on my path to the Course. I had been
opening my mind to the idea there was more to life than meets the
eye, and now for the first time, I was part of something I could not
explain through my past experience. I had other extraordinary
experiences with treasure mapping. Now I treasure map with the Holy
Spirit. I have learned that I have no idea what would make me happy
so I ask the Holy Spirit to tell me what I want. This saves a lot of
time as I don't have to make all those endless choices only to
discover that the world doesn't offer me anything of value anyway.
This Single Quiet Thought is very much like my process:
The heart is desire.
The true Heart
is true desire.
There is only one true Heart.
Focus on the true Heart today.
Ask it to tell you
what you truly want.
Listen intently
to the answer it gives.
It speaks to you
of your truest desire,
the one that out shines
everything else
you think you want.
www.reginadawnakers.com
This is the process I use. I ask the Holy Spirit (or my true Heart)
what it is that I want and then I listen intently. I think I want
things. I think I want my house to be finished so I can move in. I
think I want my son to find a new job. I think I want more time for
writing and teaching. At one time I would have put those things on my
map and then I would have recieved them. Then I would have discovered
that some of them were pretty neat to recieve, and some I wish I had
not received. But what is most true is that I had thought that
receiving them would make me happy and then discovered that I only
wanted more things, because nothing outside me makes me happy.
I know this is true because I have had lifetimes to discover it is
true. Now when I think I want my house to be finished, I give this
thought to the Holy Spirit and ask Him what I really want. He reminds
me that I want to awaken. I tell him that I think that if my son gets
a new job I will be so relieved and so happy. Then I ask him what I
really want and he reminds me that I want to awaken.
If there is something in the world that I do actually need, I leave
that to Him as well. I truly do not know what I need. I tell Him of
my percieved need, and I do not suggest ways that need might be
filled. I wait for His inspiration. I wait in anticipation to see how
it might be met. There is no stress or strain; there are no
disappointments because there are no expectations. It is a light and
happy thing to recognize I do not know, but there is One who does.
[0] comments (159 views) |
[0] Trackbacks
[0] Pingbacks
Sun Dec 14, 2008
Matthew 16 Peter as Symbol of Faith
Matthew 16:21-23 Peter is the symbol of faith within the unhealed mind, and so Peter is also the symbol of the unhealed mind that has faith. In Peter you see great faith! And in Peter, you will see doubt, fear and confusion.
This is very meaningful to me because I relate to Peter so completely. As the next line says, I am Peter. I have great faith, and sometimes even amaze myself with my faith. And yet, I am often doubtful, fearful and confused. I have been confounded by this behavior, not understanding why I seem to rise to such heights only to fail miserably in the next moment. Then I read this passage from Matthew and I feel like laughing. Of course I will sometimes feel confused; I am an unhealed mind. Whew!
Another thing that makes me laugh is that I feel such relief when I finally understand what needs to be done in a situation, and it is always the same solution. As it says in Matthew, “It is doubt, fear and confusion you must let go of….” It always goes back to noticing my thoughts, looking at them with the Holy Spirit, and allowing my mind to be healed. Letting go of a thought is not hard; I just decide for it and it is done. It is getting to the point that I want to let it go that feels very hard sometimes.
There is a person in my life that I don’t like. This has been making me crazy because I can’t seem to release this grievance. I cannot even figure out why I have a grievance. It came to me yesterday to share this problem with a friend of mine and to ask if she had any thoughts on it. I thought this was my idea, my choice as to who I would speak to, and done for my own reasons. (Ha ha ha. I am so funny.) After we emailed each other a few times I realized that asking this particular person was a divinely inspired decision. As we communicated, I found out that she had nearly the same problem as I did, and in helping me she was helping herself. That Holy Spirit. :)
As I wrote to my friend I realized that I felt very guilty for not forgiving this person, and I also felt shamed that I was unable to release the grievance. She helped me to see this, and to realize that my only job is to forgive myself. She pointed out for me that I was thinking my failure to accept a solution to this problem proved that I was not good enough and that something was wrong with me. She was so right! I felt the truth of that in my gut when I read the words.
When I wrote the email that confessed to this "sin" of maybe feeling like a failure the unexpected emotion that came up was very strong and I began to cry. Still, I hid from myself the truth and couldn't see why I felt that way. Then when I read her words it was so obvious. In trying to like this person I was saying there is something wrong with her and that is why I have to "try" to like her.
In feeling bad because I couldn’t seem to like her I was saying there was something wrong with me. I also felt intense resentment of her because I have projected all of this onto her. This tells me I believe I wouldn't have this problem if she had not shown up. Typically, the ego is projecting my stuff onto the world and I am feeling like a victim. I thanked her for nudging me to this. I was tired of sitting in this self condemnation.
She also helped me to see that I was looking in a mirror and saying to myself, “I do not like what I see. I had that thought at one time, but I allowed my mind to veer off into the "why" of it and I got distracted from what matters. I forgive myself for all of that. I gladly and without reservation forgive myself. I do it for Myron and, in extension, for the Sonship. Now my tears are tears of gratitude. And if I experience dislike for that woman again, I will forgive myself again, and be grateful for opportunity.
This experience was a really good illustration for me of this passage in Matthew. I could see myself as Peter with all the doubt, fear and confusion around this situation. And yet, even though this has been an ongoing problem for some time now I stuck with it, determined to find the solution and return my mind to peace. That takes great faith. I also saw myself following guidance and listening with my heart when Holy Spirit spoke to me through my friend. That took great faith, too.
[1] comments (183 views) |
[0] Trackbacks
[0] Pingbacks
Thu Dec 04, 2008
Matthew 15 - Making Choices
You want to know if it is right that you do this or if it would be better that you do that. I say do what you choose in peace and in purpose, and I will use what you do. NTI Matthew 15:1-9
This says clearly what I have come to believe and to try to live by. I often tell someone who is in conflict about which way to go that it doesn’t matter what they do here, because the Holy Spirit will meet them where ever they are. This statement from Matthew says it more clearly than I did and so I appreciate it very much.
I have spent a lot of time trying to make the “right” choice. This effort has caused me to become anxious and fearful, and this explains why the ego mind tries very hard to keep me mired in this obstructive behavior. As long as I am distracted by an infinite number of choices and am unable to make a choice because it might be wrong, the ego feels safe. In my distraction with choices I am unlikely to look closely at the thought system that put me in this untenable situation. Uncertainty about what to choose also causes doubt and uncertainty about my self which is another goal of the ego.
My way out of this is to recognize that there is another way to choose. Instead of listening to all of the ego stories about where this choice leads, and where that one leads, I turn my ear from the ego and ask for guidance from the Holy Spirit. Then without further consideration I do what comes to me to do. I don’t allow the ego to second guess it. I don’t even allow myself to wonder if I made the right choice. That leads me right back into the ego trap.
Instead I just do what I think to do and know that the Holy Spirit is there, working with me exactly where I am. This is an illusory life I think I am living, a dream that will disappear like smoke on a windy day. What difference does it really make what I do. The only thing that matters is that I be willing to listen to the Voice for God and allow Him to use what I do to bring me home.
[0] comments (179 views) |
[0] Trackbacks
[0] Pingbacks
Tue Dec 02, 2008
Matthew 14 - Letting Go of Fear
Fear was made to keep you from joining with God. NTI Matthew 14:1-12
The ego tells me fear stories all the time, one after another. The more attention I pay to the thoughts flying around in my mind, the more I notice that all of the ego stories are designed to keep me in fear. Matthew 14 explains why this is. The part of my mind identifying itself with ego is using fear to keep my attention and prevent me from seeking other counsel.
One of the reasons I seldom watch television news is because newscasters use fear to keep us coming back. They milk every news story for all the fear angles they can come up with for as long as they can keep our attention. They know that if they scare us we will spend our day thinking about what they told us and we will be back at the next newscast. This is the way the ego works. We give our attention to an ego story and are hooked by the fear it elicits. Then we cultivate that fear by thinking about it and allowing in more ego thoughts which embroidery the idea and pretty soon we are waiting breathlessly for the next fear thought.
I am getting near the end of the long, long process of remodeling my house. I noticed a thought that as I get nearer the end, my bank account is getting lower and lower. As I gave my attention to that thought, I noticed another thought; what if I run out of money before I finish? After all this time, what if I cannot move in because I am short of the money needed to finish? I feel a tightening in the center of my belly. I feel my jaw tense up and my neck as well. Now the fear stories start to snowball.
As my building fund diminishes I realize that whether or not I finish the house soon I will not have a cushion to fall back on. This will be the first time in over a year that I will have to live strictly within my means. I start thinking about how the financial situation is affecting my job and what that could mean to my income, and for the first time I am thinking of it as a crisis as are so many others. From here the fear stories get completely out of hand and go off in every direction.
Is it fun to sit around thinking about all the scary things that could happen? It doesn’t make me happy so why do I do this? Why do I start to feel like it is out of my hands, that I cannot stop myself? Why do I keep going back to the ego’s scary stories even after I understand what is happening? Matthew 14 is helping me to understand the draw to fear and the reason I am so reluctant to let it go. I am very much identified with the ego mind. Once in a while I think of myself as Christ, but most of the time I am Myron with little thought given to my true identity.
If I think I am this ego self, holding onto that self becomes a matter of life or death. If I am identified with ego, then I must believe that giving up ego is giving up self. What is a little (or a lot) of fear if it saves my life. Now I begin to see the value I have placed in fear. From the ego point of view it is keeping me alive, it is keeping me intact. And I have become so accustomed to living a life of fear that most of the time I don’t even notice it is happening.
Now that I understand the value I have placed on fear, how do I withdraw that value? Fear stories are so compelling and I have been doing this for so long that just thinking about giving them up overwhelms me. The ego jumps in and tells me that I can’t do this and starts weaving a fear story around giving up fear stories! Good grief! As I turn my thoughts to the Holy Spirit I am able to step out of the sticky web of ego deceit and remember that the Holy Spirit never leaves me comfortless. He never fails to guide and direct.
NTI Matthew 13:22-36 says:
Although I can help you with fear, it is you that must overcome it. For it is your fear, and I cannot take that which is yours from you. You must willingly let go of your fear.
Once again, the Holy Spirit reminds me that I am not alone, I have help. He also reminds me that first I must do my part, and then He will do His. My part is always to give my willingness to being helped. I only have to change my mind about what I want. This is all I have to do. I don’t have to make myself stop being afraid; I only have to want to be free of fear. To do this, I am noticing the fear thoughts and remembering they are just stories and I don’t have to listen to them. I just keep doing this over and over. This is helping me to loosen my grip on these thoughts, and to increase my willingness to let them go.
Then I am asking the Holy Spirit to correct my thinking. I know there is another way to see all of this, and the only reason I am not seeing it is because I have fastened my attention to the ego story instead. I think my fear is going to protect me, but I am willing to be wrong about that. I am willing to see this differently. That’s it. That is all there is to it. Just repeat as necessary. :)
[0] comments (176 views) |
[0] Trackbacks
[0] Pingbacks
Tue Nov 25, 2008
SQT Fear is Just a Story
From the Single Quiet Thought 11-25-08
Fear will hold you back from forgiveness.
Fear will hold you back
from letting go of
a false idea as false.
Fear will tell you
that it protects you from harm
and to let go of the idea in question
is to open up to complete vulnerability
and harm.
But fear is just a story.
Fear is an illusion itself.
It promises to care for you,
but what it says isn't true.
Look at the idea of fear.
Look at its counsel
until you see it isn't true.
You are free to practice forgiveness
when you've learned
not to listen to fear.
Holy Spirit through Regina Dawn Akers
When I take my mistaken thoughts to the Holy Spirit for correction I am forgiving them. This is what forgiveness means to me; it is the undoing of ego or separation thoughts. As I read this single quiet thought from Holy Spirit many instances I have experienced this flashed through my mind. The one that grabbed my attention was from the situation with my son’s sickness. He was very sick for weeks and the doctors could not figure out what was wrong with him. He was weak, losing weight and becoming dehydrated every few days. It was very frightening to me.
I experienced so much fear as this situation dragged on and on, but at the same time, I kept going to Holy Spirit with this fear. There were a lot of thoughts that I did not want to keep, and each one I brought to Holy Spirit only to notice that in a bit the thought was back in my mind. Now I know that Holy Spirit isn’t failing to do His job, so it must be me that is failing to let go of the thought. I imagine myself handing a thought to him but then clutching the thought so that He cannot take it.
Clearly, the reason I was not letting go of these fear thoughts is that I thought they held some value to me. I was listening to the stories the ego was telling me and I was believing them. I was afraid to examine the stories, because I was afraid that this would lead to not believing them, and the stories were all that I had to protect me. Writing this out here I can see how absurd this reasoning really is, but at the time I didn’t see it because I was afraid to look too closely.
But each time I brought these thoughts to the Holy Spirit it helped me move a tiny bit closer to trust. Each time my willingness grew a little and I became a little more willing to forgive myself and this situation. Finally, when a friend suggested we pray as a group for Toby, I was ready to finally accept Holy Spirit’s gift. I agreed and in the moment I joined with my friends in praying I felt the shift from fear to acceptance.
I was finally able to look at the fear and see what it was telling me. I said I wanted to give the fear thoughts to the Holy Spirit for correction. The ego said that if I did that I would have nothing to protect me from the Holy Spirit. I said that the Holy Spirit would give me only what would be helpful. The ego said that maybe the most helpful thing would be for Toby to die. This is where I had always shut down before. This time I stayed with it and continued to look at the ego story. I gave my trust to the Holy Spirit and surrendered completely.
This part is harder for me to put into words because there were no words involved. In my willingness to surrender to trust, the ego story dissolved. Well, the story was still there, but it became meaningless to me. I simply didn’t believe in it anymore. This did not mean I knew Toby wasn’t going to die. I surrendered to that possibility, too. I accepted that I did not know what would be the next step in his and my awakening, but that I wanted it. If this is the time when Toby let go of his story and moved on to the next one, then that is what would happen. What I let go of was the meaning I was giving that possibility.
I thought about what that would feel like, and as I think of it now I feel intense grief, but I still do not feel fear about it. I don’t know what it means and I am not interested in making up a meaning. Without my meaning clouding the picture I find it easy to trust. Fear was promising to care for me. I see that very clearly now, and I also see that when I was able to really look at what fear was offering me, I knew that was a lie. I am very grateful for where I am now. Toby began healing after we all joined in prayer and so did I. I am very glad that he is still here in this story with me, but I am even more grateful to be free of the fear. I am grateful for the experience I had which taught me so much.
[0] comments (186 views) |
[0] Trackbacks
[0] Pingbacks
|